You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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