I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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