I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
