all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
