It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
