well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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