I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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