also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
from now on my penis is your penis
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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