"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
