Im at strip club and am horny
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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