Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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