I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
