in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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