Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
