I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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