nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
