Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
