I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
