don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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