??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will pee on everything he values.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
