My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
