All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
