I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
