No awkward lesbian experiences without me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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