I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
