I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
