So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
