Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am available for nakedness
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
