All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
