I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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