Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
