Betty ford says i'm here all night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
