I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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