my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
