so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
