I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
