This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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