im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
