Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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