the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
