I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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