I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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