@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
