I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
