Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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