so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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