To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
