Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
