I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
tell me about the eggs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
