I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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