my mouth tastes like poor choices
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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