You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
