and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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