i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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