from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
